Waiver Wire, Week 5: Jacoby Brissett and names that are far worse

The waiver wire has never looked uglier and we've never needed it more. Apologies in advance. 

Just look at these terrible pickups...

QB Jacoby Brissett, Arizona Cardinals

This is as good as it's gonna get, folks. Our finest pickup. Enjoy it. 

Brissett is heading into a home matchup with one of the worst defenses in recent memory. It's not enough to simply say Detroit is allowing the most fantasy points to opposing quarterbacks. Here's a snapshot of several ways in which the Lions are lousy:

Breathtaking incompetence. Detroit has allowed multiple TD passes this season to such luminaries as Tyler Shough, Geno Smith and Bryce Young. Brissett is not an uncommonly good QB, but he's gonna cook these guys. 

RB Brian Robinson, Atlanta Falcons

It's not the best B. Robinson in the player pool, but he just keeps scoring. He's seen double-digit carries in each of the last three weeks and he's making house calls. This is the Tyler Allgeier experience all over again, basically. 

RB Will Shipley, Philadelphia Eagles

LOL, no. Just kidding. I would not. I simply have too much self-respect to make this pickup. We are not adding third-string Eagles running backs ahead of a matchup with Jacksonville. Philly's offense is broken and everyone is injured. Move along.