Zero QB: Abysmal superflex process or bold contrarian strategy?

I had a vague notion. 

A faint curiosity. 

An impulse which should have been suppressed. 

On Sunday night, in a deep-rostered superflex auction, I decided to mess around and build a Zero QB squad. This team-building method is certainly not for everyone — it was arguably not for me. It's not without risk. 

The league in question involves only twelve teams, which is generally an anything-goes configuration. Zero QB felt doable. We also start two tight ends and three flexes, so individual prices never get too outrageous. Bijan Robinson and Ja'Marr Chase were the only players to reach $40. I felt safe(ish) deemphasizing quarterbacks, believing there were enough competent starters to go around. 

I had not considered the possibility that multiple managers would treat this league not simply as a superflex, but as a quadruple-flex. Two of our twelve teams are controlled by QB hoarders, it seems. It was a failure of scouting on my part to not realize this fact. 

These two managers didn't just land backup quarterbacks — an understandable move and good policy in superflex — they also acquired backups to their backups. With eight QBs collected by just two teams, I had a problem. 

But we'll get to the problematic stuff soon enough. Let's first focus on the beginning of my auction, the non-QBs. These opening buys were pretty filthy:

• Saquon Barkley, $36
• Christian McCaffrey, $36
• Puka Nacua, $26
• Trey McBride, $22
• Ashton Jeanty, $33
• Jaxon Smith-Njigba, $21

Before things got sloppy, I did manage to assemble the best collection of flexes in this league, an absolutely loaded group. 

As mentioned previously, this is how I always intend to operate in auctions: I'm trying to build teams that cannot possibly be constructed in snake drafts. Give me multiple first-round talents and I'll patch together everything else. I'm trying to give myself an undeniable edge somewhere. 

After leaving myself with only $26 to spend and a dozen roster spots to fill, my edge in this league was clearly not going to be at quarterback. At that stage in the auction, however, the QB hoarders had not yet revealed themselves. JSN was just the 53rd player nominated and two-thirds of the starting quarterbacks were still available at the time. No reason to stress. I was confident that I’d eventually snag a pair of QBs from the Penix-Bryce-Darnold-Geno range. 

Soon after, Penix was nominated out of the usual sequence. He went for $15 — an uh-oh moment. 

Quarterbacks began to fly and none were cheap. Joe Burrow went for $34, Patrick Mahomes for $23, Bo Nix for $21 and Baker Mayfield for $19. Those were prices I simply could not pay. Caleb Williams went for $15 while carving up Buffalo’s JV defense in preseason action. Drake Maye went for $20, Bryce Young for $15 and Cam Ward for $10. 

Again: Uh-oh. 

Too much money remained in the room when several of the sketchiest quarterbacks were nominated, plus we had those QB-collecting sickos behaving like the Cleveland Browns. Unfortunate circumstances. 

Honestly, I was lucky to land these three doomed quarterbacks:

• Matthew Stafford, $7
• Aaron Rodgers, $5
• Jaxson Dart, $3

So, yeah, my two presumptive starters are a combined 78 years old and they have only one healthy back and three unruptured Achilles tendons between them. It’s not ideal. Dart has been surprisingly frisky throughout the summer, but no one expects him to be starting in September. 

I am now in an uncomfortable position in which I desperately need Stafford to remain ambulatory and functional. Monday’s return to practice was welcome news. Let’s hope he puts in a couple solid sessions before the Rams wrap him in bubble and kraft paper ahead of opening week. 

Unsure of Stafford’s status when we were drafting on Sunday night, I grabbed his miserable backup in the auction’s end-game:

• Marvin Mims Jr., $1
• Luther Burden III, $2
• Elijah Arroyo, $1
• Jacory Croskey-Merritt, $2
• Romeo Doubs, $1
• Jimmy Garoppolo, $1
• Ollie Gordon II, $1
• Adonai Mitchell, $1

Any fantasy roster looks worse with Jimmy G. on it, so he’s gonna be my first drop if Stafford can simply demonstrate some level of pre-geriatric mobility. Quite by accident, I positioned myself as the only person in the room who could make a late $2 bid, which is how I landed camp legend JCM. 

Overall, I believe I’ve slapped together a promising-yet-flawed roster with an overwhelming advantage at running back. This team might have been a complete triumph of Zero QB principles if the rest of the room would have behaved as expected. Alas. 

As it is, we have another weird contender on our hands. I’m expecting the first Flacco or Shough or Russ-for-Croskey Merritt trade offer at any moment. It will of course be emphatically Mutombo’d. 

When you commit to a highly questionable draft strategy, you are honor bound to play it out.